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Feb 7 07: on loving humanity
Most of the time the tabloid papers in this town drive me to despair for the future of the human race. But every now and then I realize that they also make me proud to be a New Yorker. To wit: today’s headlines regarding the crazy astronaut lady and her plan to kidnap (and murder?) a romantic rival.
The New York Post:
LUST IN SPACE
Astro-Nut Faces Slay-Bid Rap
The New York Daily News:
DARK SIDE OF THE LOON
Astro-Nut’s Murder Plot is Out of This World
Priceless. The folks at the tabs have got to be on their knees weeping with gratitude over this story. I mean, it’s got everything. Sex! Murder! Bad wigs! Diapers! Unflattering mugshots! Astronauts! Whoo. It’s Christmas in February!
Meanwhile, the debate Just How Icky Are Queers, Anyway? rages on. Recently, the Washington State Supreme Court defended the “reasonable state interest” in restricting the right to marry to those couples capable of producing children. In the interest of protecting this laudable desire from further frivolous legal challenge, the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance has drafted a modest proposal: a ballot initiative that I think any reasonable-minded Washingtonian can get behind.
If passed by Washington voters, the Defense of Marriage Initiative would:
- add the phrase, “who are capable of having children with one another” to the legal definition of marriage;
- require that couples married in Washington file proof of procreation within three years of the date of marriage or have their marriage automatically annulled;
- require that couples married out of state file proof of procreation within three years of the date of marriage or have their marriage classed as “unrecognized;”
- establish a process for filing proof of procreation; and
- make it a criminal act for people in an unrecognized marriage to receive marriage benefits.
If I lived in Seattle, I’d be printing out reams of blank petitions on company time right now. Alas, all I can do is make a plea on the behalf of poor defenseless marriages everywhere. Washingtonians, to the barricades! You have nothing to lose but Western Civilization.
JUST TO BE CLEAR: The people behind the ballot measure recognize that the idea is completely insane. They know that it is not what you would call a Good Idea. But it certainly gets their point across, doesn’t it?
Commentary
The emphasis on procreation rather puzzles me. What if a man marries a woman who is, for some medical reason, quite unable to bear children? Will they have to flee the state for their marriage to be recognised elsewhere?
posted by Robin, Feb 7 07 1:04 PM
Indeed they will, if the ballot measure (a) gets all the way onto the ballot and (b) passes. Old people getting married will also be Right Out.
I suppose such folks can hire an attorney and draw up a series of legally binding documents, at their own expense. These documents won’t confer _all_ the benefits of marriage, because some things are naturally available only to married people and to demand otherwise is to demand Special Rights. And various state and local governments, as well as non-governmental organizations, will be free to ignore some or all of their provisions as they please.
But surely you agree that even arrangements such as these mock the true sacrament and traditional intent of marriage. They should be grateful, _grateful_ that we don’t run them out of town, frankly.
posted by Andrew, Feb 7 07 3:08 PM
The astronaut story even made the news down here, although we didn’t have the wonderful headlines that you did. As you said, it is a story that’s got everything a tabloid could want. It’s almost too good to be true.
posted by Heather, Feb 8 07 6:31 PM
Oh Fafblog, my fafblog! Where are you on occasions such as these?
posted by Pablo, Feb 8 07 11:52 PM