strange radiation: the pool of radiance archive

Adventures with an unreliable narrator.

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Jul 27 03: cradle: rocky

Lara Croft is the goddess of wanton property damage. She wears her creamy coral lipstick everywhere, and too much eyeliner, even when she’s at the bottom of the ocean, and somewhere Indiana Jones and Lord Carnarvon are screaming for her head on a pike.

Yeah, we did a Pico Movie Expedition tonight, in keeping with tradition. This evening’s feature: Lara Croft, Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life.

It is bad.

Ms. Jolie can act, but she only gets to do so two or three times, and never for more than twelve seconds or so at a shot. So the movie has to rely instead on (a) her pneumatic lips etc.; (b) the action sequences; and (c) the plot. It should be noted that as far as (c) is concerned, there isn’t one really. I mean, there is, and many lovely antiquities pay the price, but it doesn’t really make a lot of sense or have much bearing on the way the film unfolds. On the drive home we played “My Favorite Thing that Made No Sense.” (There are many. Why not put your own in the comments section?) As to (a), there’s a lot less boobage than there was in the first, although yes that silver wetsuit is pretty fab. Actually, once again she has an Ambiguous Love Interest with a truly spectacular torso—consensus was that those who prefer boys to girls may have gotten the better part of the deal this time. But most damningly, the (b) action sequences are freakin’ boring. Flashy, yes. Loud, sure. Exciting? No, not really. And this is a summer action movie! What were they thinking? At best, it managed a few moments of fabulous stylishness and a few flashes of the actorly charisma that made Ms. Jolie the ideal choice for the role.

Disappointing. We all wanted this to be fun, even when we had kinda been warned that it might not be. To make up for this failing, we’re toying with seeing Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl later in the week. Why are film titles getting longer and longer? We don’t care. Aarrrrrr!

Commentary

hi, i just found you while looking up flash mobs, and just had to tell you…Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl was one of the best movies ive seen in a long time…its worth seeing.(its the first movie since saving private ryan that i havent gotten bored with by the middle of the film.)
anyways…hi! and ummmm…can you tell me a bit about flash mobs?

posted by michelle, Jul 28 03 11:13 PM

I still think that Claudia Black would have been a better choice.

posted by Sari, Jul 31 03 10:25 PM

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